Theodore; a new desire.

It took me a long time to come to peace with what I have and have not achieved in my time here.  Although I have had the privilege of living beyond a life expectancy,  until recently I lived riddled with anxiety and fear at the prospect of expiring without having contributed more to the world. What a wonderful feeling to acknowledge the ways in which I have made a difference and let go of what I cannot change.  This process gave me the ability to be at peace with the fact that my time may be limited, instead of it looming over me. Then, this Tuesday afternoon,  my beautiful grandson Theodore came into the world. And a new and immediate desperation came over me when I looked into his eyes.  I could see us walking (him toddling) through the woods discussing bugs and nature,  and could see us later at the library,  picking out books on his favorite things, coming home and making cookies together, and I was filled with desire to play a role in shaping him into the wonderful young man he will be. I have felt lucky to stare this diagnosis down after my daughter was grown; never wanting to imagine the pain, fear and longing a young mother in this position must feel. This is but a tiny taste of that and it feels like a mountain of acceptance to work through.  A good note?  Without my diagnosis I would not be able to spend nearly as much time with my amazing daughter as she (beautifully)  navigates being a new mother.  A whole new reason to sieze the day!

IMG_20160526_003435

2 thoughts on “Theodore; a new desire.

  1. Patty Houlihan

    Tania you are such a strong beautiful person. Never give into this cancer . Look how much you have already beat. Only God knows our future. Your grandson is a gift to you . You will beat this and see him grow. 💕

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s