So today – is the hopefully the last, and seventh, surgery in the seventeen months since that morning in the shower….that moment I just knew that my shame issues, my harsh self judgement and workaholism, adrenal burnout and constant state of fight or flight **** caught up with me in the form of the hardest lesson to learn so far.
What has come out of it? What I chose, ’cause we all know in our hearts that’s the ultimate truth, to find the light, the lessons, the strength when we can’t imagine taking another step. So beauty awaited me – finding my calling to serve, to be the human hands of my creator. Friendships, beautiful loving support in every form needed and imaginable. Self improvement – hell I don’t even know where that girl in the shower went, how this can be the same piece of clay, the shape is so different.
Y’all, **** I have been in a toxic relationship for 35 years, and I’m goin’ through one hell of a tough breakup. My loving, fantastic primary doctor told me in no uncertain terms;
For you dear, drinking is deadly.
I spent hours online trying to find that one study that would conclude that alcohol would not make my cancer rear it’s head and stomp me down to death – it doesn’t exist.
I bargained – “Tests show a few (3) drinks per week can POSSIBLY be consumed safely.” Bingo! Oh yeah bingo, my permission to obsess about how I was going to celebrate with my controlled three drinks – it never stopped at three.
I am in a toxic relationship with alcohol. It’s kickin’ my ass, I am powerless over it, and I’m givin’ this to God. I’m doin’ the work. I’m asking for your prayers in the last of my last battle, and the beginning of my new one.
BTW – I was listening to the breakup song I give every one of my friends leaving a toxic relationship, when I realized I had to break up with my long time boozey, romantic frenemy. Here it is:
And, today, we say goodbye to biggest 🙂 and most painful 😦 Foobs –
And move into cancer being a MEMORY!!!!!!
Yeah baby! I wanna live LIVE LIVE!
Cheers – To the beautiful light of just being, as a close friend said –
“Life in pictures without the fun fuzzy corners, but so many more beautiful pictures and memories to smile about.”
Cheers! I LOVE you – yeah you! ❤